Visit my student room: I was thirsty to know him

Have you ever wondered how those people you see on social media in “Christians forever” mode are left by people who previously may not have wanted to hear anything related to the Word of God, by those men/women “passionate” about Jesus Christ today? You may look at them out of the corner of your eye and wonder what happened to them. We have been skeptical of this group of people called “Christians” before, because in reality there is sometimes something about them that differs from the culture in which we grew up.

Third of six siblings, I was born into a religious family. In reality, we don't usually ask ourselves too many questions about why our parents chose the religion they instilled in us, and whether this choice truly matched our vision of God. Although, most believers say they believe in one and the same God, but strangely enough, the people who say this would not change their religion. Ultimately, is it a question of religion or of God?

Like many of us, I grew up with values specific to the doctrine that was taught to me. From a young age, I was involved in church practices and considered myself a full member of it. The years passed and I lived my life without too many worries. Although I was of a religious denomination, I did not prevent myself from doing things my way. As my brother often likes to tell me: "Nelly, no one is ignorant of what is right and wrong, we just decide to do things the way we want."; that was exactly what I lived, I knew what not to do, yet I said to myself: "Well, no one is perfect." I had pretty good grades, I lacked nothing at home, and I was not the least beautiful girl in school. But despite everything, I sometimes wondered if it was really enough for me.

Around May 2015, I decided to get a little more interested in God’s Word. I read my Bible more regularly, and I was paying closer attention to God’s instructions regarding sin. I even remember that I had a boyfriend at that time and that I left him because I had read a Bible passage regarding immorality and I thought that he might be an occasion for me to stumble. You see how radical I could be in my decisions. I was becoming more and more of what we commonly call a “no-go saint” (I sincerely wonder where that term comes from!). I was the one who would tell others, “You know what? This is not right,” and as you can probably guess, most of us don’t like that. At that time, I was considered, or should I say, I considered myself to be a more or less devout Christian. I went to church occasionally, tried not to sin, and was even a member of the choir at one point. But even though the Sunday message was touching, even though I was sometimes the one giving advice from God’s Word, my life wasn’t really transformed; something was missing. What was it?
There is a difference between keeping God's commandments and being close to Him. Would you like to be in a relationship with someone who is always asking you for this and that, who sometimes blames you for his failures and who only seeks you out for 5 minutes as a formality without even caring about you and your desires? No, right? Yet this is what most of our relationships with God look like. How could we even call it a relationship?
So one evening in December 2017, in my small cell that served as my student room, I gradually realized that what I considered as a relationship with God, in reality did not suit me, I wanted more, and I felt that I only knew a tiny part of what I should know about Him. Lying on my bed, I said to myself: "Ok. Nelly, let's pray". So I began my prayer with: "Thank you Lord for the day, for life etc." and as I prayed, I began to ask Him for forgiveness, to confess my sins... but this time, it was different. I had not killed anyone, but, I had such a conscience of sin, I felt so bad, so dirty. However, one thing that I was going to discover very quickly, is that His love cried out even louder than my sin. I saw my life flash before my eyes and I thought, "It's not worth living if He's not there."

In those dark hours of the night, where there is no murmur, no agitation, I found myself face to face with myself. I cried, again and again, the tears did not stop flowing, my heart was spread out before Him. No, my boyfriend had not just left me; no, my parents had not thrown me out; no, I did not lack food; but… I wanted more and I felt that He was the missing piece of the puzzle that was my life. So, I sang this hymn: “Don’t leave me alone, without You I am nothing, my life depends on You, You are my Creator.” And in the midst of all these sobs, I abandoned myself completely to God and I said to Him: “That’s it, I don’t give You just a part of my life but I give You my whole life, take it, and You know what? Do with it what You want.”
In the silence of that night, I tried to express the cry of my heart with the few words that my lips could still pronounce. Then, I felt a presence, I felt His presence, yes He was there, right next to me, and He whispered to me with a barely perceptible sound: "I will be with you, I will not abandon you." From then on, I understood that God is not someone who is preached to us first, but that He is above all someone we must meet and experience, and this experience will not only remain engraved in our heads and in our hearts, but it will also become the source of a true faith in the existence of this God of whom we have been told so often.
I woke up the next day with the desire to do things differently and to be more serious in my walk with Christ. That night had marked the beginning of my story with Jesus, and it was no longer a question of religion or conformity but of an authentic communion with Him. So I began to seek God in the simplest way possible, that is to say in His Word. It is easier to change through love than through fear. Day after day, the revelation of His love gave me the strength to change. At my church, I did not necessarily find what I was looking for. Although I had been there since my early childhood, I still felt like a stranger. However, later, God would give me the grace to meet people with the same passion as me.
As you read me, you may be tempted to say to me: "Why would I seek my answers in the Bible and not in another sacred book like the Koran or the Torah?" Your question is more than legitimate. As I told you above, we do not always ask ourselves whether what our parents presented to us as religion corresponded to the Truth. But I, at one point, asked myself this question and I invite you to do the same. Whether you are of a religion related to Christianity (Protestant, Catholic, Adventist, Baptist etc.) or not (Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu etc.), I invite you to do something with me today: go to your room, close the door and ask God what He thinks, in a sincere manner. Leave aside everything you think you know and seek the Truth directly from the Source.
If you want, I can pray with you: “Lord God, or however You
You are calling, if it is really You who created all things, show me the way that leads to You. I was born, I found all kinds of religions, but I would like to know, please, what is the Truth? If You make it known to me, I promise to follow You regardless of my past beliefs. Jesus, if You really exist and are the son of God, demonstrate it to me. I put aside everything I have been taught so far and I prepare myself to hear what You have to tell me.